great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sext me about skeletons
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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