Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize