he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
