my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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