the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
