yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You smell like a Billy Joel song
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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