she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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