one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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