I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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