wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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