I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
