At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
