when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
