Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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