Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize