Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
