Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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