you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
