If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
