In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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