Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
