Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
