sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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