Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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