The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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