Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
