I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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