Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
