I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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