Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
