Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party

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(417): View more from Missouri

My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays

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(425): View more from Washington

If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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(917): View more from New York City

He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.

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(469): View more from Texas

I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.

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(561): View more from Florida

Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.

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