She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
