Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
