I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize