he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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