I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You may now shotgun with the bride
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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