He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
