well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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