Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
