He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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