actually, I'm a sock model
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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