This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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