You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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