i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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