Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
