my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
