Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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