I hate your face
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
