I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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