I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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