I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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