I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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