so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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