I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
