Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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