The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize