your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
