Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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