i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
