Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
