Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me

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(469): View more from Texas

Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.

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(956): View more from Texas

He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

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(707): View more from California

nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then

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(352): View more from Florida

Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with

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