I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
