Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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