My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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