The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
