I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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