One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
