dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize