i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
