I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
