20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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