I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
