What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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