He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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