i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
