How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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