Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
