he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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