I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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