Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
