Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
