one two three fourrrrnication!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
