on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
