Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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