k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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