i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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