i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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