Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
