Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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