its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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