the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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