You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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