google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
