I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
