Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
