you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
