I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
