sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
