Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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